Malfoy's Potter Dream
by Xitai
Summary: Draco Malfoy doesn't usually wake up in a muggle school with Harry, Ron and Hermione. And what happens when he arrives at Harry's house, which is full of Potter books, movies and internet sites? Hopefully it's just a dream.


Author's Note: Written a few years ago, this is complete and utter madness. Enjoy, but do not judge please!

Disclaimer: Draco and company are J.K. Rowling's. The completely absurd translation into my high school experience… all mine for better or worse.

They really should say that there's nothing more terrifying than a Monday morning in a high school of 2,000 students. Especially when you've never heard of high school. But that really isn't the point here.

Draco Malfoy did not believe in parallel universes. He did not believe in time travel. He did believe in magic, obviously.

Harry Potter did not believe in parallel universes either. He wasn't so sure about time travel though. Reading a few too many Muggle science books did that to a person. But magic was definitely a given.

Hermione Granger thought that parallel universes were absurd. She believed in time travel due to a magical device, but that it. Magic was a given.

Ron Weasley, well he really hadn't thought about parallel universes. Time travel was certainly possible. Hadn't Hermione had that time turner? Or was that magic? He wasn't too sure actually.

So what happens when all four arrive quite unwilling into the halls of a normal high school? Absolute madness, that's what. What in the hell is calculus anyways? But wait, are they ditching?

Thus begins the very imaginative tale of the fabulous four, well maybe Draco really shouldn't be there, but whatever.

Draco normally woke up in his bed in the Slytherin dungeons. No such luck today. His first conscious experience was staring into a very blue and very foreign thing generally called a locker. Inside contained books. Actually, it contained many books that Draco did not recognize. Chemistry? APE: Lang? Maybe he was still asleep, he could always hope.

An instant later Harry "The Boy Who Lived" Potter appeared beside him. Okay, now this was beginning to take a more nightmarish turn. Draco ignored him, but Potter seemed to either have issues dealing with Draco's existence or seeing his enemy and rival first thing in the morning. Either seemed possible.

Before the boys could react to the tragic situation that had been forced upon them, Hermione appeared kneeling in front of the locker below Potter's. Draco blinked twice. She was still there. The level had now escalated from nightmarish to petrifying. She seemed as puzzled as they were, but shrugged and started eagerly exploring the books inside her locker.

And just when things really couldn't get any stranger and completely unfeasible, none other than Ron Weasley appeared standing on Draco's other side. Scratch the petrifying; this was a perverse Gryffindor invasion of his innocent unconscious mind. Ron stared in horror at Draco and looked pleadingly at Harry and Hermione.

"What the hell is going on?" Draco was peeved. "Malfoys do not dream of Gryffindors."

Potter glared at him. "You think I would willing dream about you? And who says this is a dream anyways?"

"I am quite unwilling to believe this is really happening given that I do not know where I am, how I got here, why you're here…" Draco trailed off as Hermione gave him a dull glare.

"And you think we know, Malfoy?" She looked annoyed at her lack of knowledge. "Does anyone have any idea where we are?"

Ron simply shook his head. Apparently he was still tongue-tied. Harry glanced around at the numerous other young people around them. "I suppose we could ask?"

Hermione grinned at him. "Brilliant, Harry!"

Draco sneered and mimicked her. "Yes. Brilliant, Harry."

"Sod off." Potter then turned to the closest person. She was a girl with light blonde hair who was quickly stuffing things into her blue compartment. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, hey Harry. I didn't even notice you. But I have to hurry. I'm supposed to be at LA 10 minutes early so I can makeup the quiz I missed yesterday." She gave him a small smile.

Potter looked baffled that she knew who he was. "Uh, I think I'm having some kind of memory loss… but could you tell me what I'm doing here?"

She laughed. "Another Monday morning eh? Harry, this is school… and don't forget the math test sixth."

"Math test?"

"You didn't forget to study did you?" She sighed tragically. "You know I can't always help you during lunch!"

"Right."

The blonde quickly jumped to her feet and hurried down the hallway to the left. "I'll see you later!"

He raised his hand feebly to wave. Hermione sighed. "That didn't help us much."

"No," Draco agreed caustically.

Then three other people approached them. Two of the newcomers were male, one with sandy blonde and the other with green dyed hair. The third was a girl with red and blonde streaks trailing down her brown hair. She raised her hand in greeting. "Hiya guys, Herm. Shouldn't you be in Chem? You always get there early."

Hermione shrugged and stepped forwards. "I, um, misplaced my schedule… could you fill me in?"

The girl laughed. "You must really be having a bad day. We've been in school for like three months. Anyways, you have chemistry, business law, Spanish, English, free and lunch, calc, and history."

"All of us?" Harry asked expectantly.

She nodded. "You four anyways."

The guy with green hair stepped forwards and patted Harry's shoulder kindly.

"Don't worry, if you really lose your mind there's a map of the school in your planner."

"See ya," yelled the other boy as the group departed.

Draco was glaring around the corridor. "This is a Muggle school."

"Shut up, will you?" Hermione insisted.

Ron stepped tentatively forwards. "Maybe we should try to go to class?"

Hermione riffled though her things before coming up with a small object that had the words "activity planner" on it. She turned a few pages and found a map. "It says science here. We should go that way."

Harry was staring at his locker. "How do I close this thing?"

Ron shrugged and Draco stared sullenly at Harry. They weren't going to be any help. Hermione fiddled with her for a moment before showing Harry and the others how it was done.

They arrived at Chem with what they would soon learn to call "the bell". They found seats and spent an entire class period wondering what in the name of Voldemort was happening. Then class ended and Draco made a suggestion that all of them surprisingly agreed to. How about not going to class? Then they somehow or another miraculously found their way to Harry's Muggle house. Apparently this Harry was graced with parents and lots of money. But then again, Draco wasn't exactly impressed with Muggle wealth.

Hermione and Harry were having a field day. Harry was absolutely glowing as he returned from the basement of the house. "A flat screen T.V. with surround sound and a million DVD's!"

Hermione had turned on one of the many computers. "They have internet!"

"I have internet, you mean!" Harry grinned.

Draco and Ron stood relatively lost in the middle of the living room. That was when something very interesting caught Draco's eye. He rushed over to the table beside the couch. "Hey Potter! Look what I found!"

Harry cautiously moved to stand near Draco and let out a terrified squeal. This caused Ron to come running and let out an alarmed gasp as he saw what was in Draco's hands. Hermione turned up not a second later and she too let out a horrified noise. Draco was just puzzled. He looked at the book in his hands and read, "_Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix._ What's so terrifying about that?"

Harry just looked sick. Ron shook his head, refusing to reveal anything. What would happen when Draco Malfoy learned all about their beloved order? Hermione finally spoke. "Put the book down, Malfoy."

An evil glint entered Draco's eye and before they could do anything he had taken off up the stairs. The three of them chased the Slytherin upstairs until they came to stop before a locked door. Draco was obviously on the other side.

But the locked door became the less interesting object. A poster on the door depicted both Harry and Draco…in their Quidditch uniforms? Ron shrugged at his companions. That's when a terrified yell could be heard from within. Then Draco's terrified voice could be heard.

"It's all about Potter! All of it. There are five books about Potter. There's a picture of me. There are a million pictures of Potter! Get me out! Out, out, out!"

Hermione raised her eyebrows. "Then open the door."

Draco did so instantly… and his eyes fell on the picture of himself and Harry tacked to the door. "No!"

While Harry and Ron discovered the wonderful world of _Harry Potter and_… well whatever book they were reading, Draco followed Hermione downstairs and then to the basement. She looked at him in amusement. "Did I just acquire a Malfoy as a shadow?"

"Better than Potty and Weasel," he mumbled.

She grinned. "Oh I bet they're having a blast up there reading all those books about the great Harry Potter."

He glared at her. "Oh, be quiet."

"You know Malfoy, if those books are accurate there's probably a whole lot about you being the evil and annoying git that you are. I think I might enjoy reading about you as the amazing bouncing ferret again…" Hermione trailed off as Draco looked like he might explode. "Oh, you're sensitive about that one?"

"Sod off, you filthy Mudblood!" Apparently, he was more than a bit sensitive about that one. If all the details were considered, he was hardly to blame for his anger.

Hermione only rolled her eyes. "Oh, don't be so melodramatic."

They had entered a room with the flat screen T.V. and wall of DVD's. Hermione walked along the DVD's until she found one that made her grin madly. Quickly, she slipped it into the DVD player and waited expectantly for Malfoy's sure to come outburst.

After settling onto the room's couch with Hermione, Draco watched in horror as the words "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" flashed across the screen. Then he watched speechless as Hermione started the movie. Potter and his bird were upstairs in some room. Then there were the Muggles. Draco shuddered at the sight of them and almost felt pity for Potter. That was until he noticed something.

"That's the bloody house elf we lost second year. My father refused to tell me where he disappeared to!" Draco was pointing frantically at the screen. He looked even more appalled as Dobby proceeded to have a conversation with Potter. "The bloody elf!"

Hermione looked amused, although she was a little disturbed about the accuracy of the movie. Maybe this hadn't been a good idea… but it was doing a good job of terrifying Malfoy. And anyways, the surround sound was nice.

Draco sat still throughout the next few minutes of the movie, but when he himself appeared on screen… that was the last straw. "No. That's not bloody possible. It's some crazy illusion."

"Oh really Malfoy, grow up." Hermione sighed. "You've seen the rest of us on that screen. Why is seeing you such a surprise?"

He just glared at her. "That's just not right. Me in a Muggle thing!"

And so the movie continued with Malfoy's random interjections of terror and Hermione's silent glee. The room was relatively quiet even then… until Malfoy's explosion during the credits.

"Tom Felton? " He screeched. "No, they've got it all wrong. That's me…"

She laughed. "I thought you were appalled to be in a Muggle creation?"

Draco seemed to consider this. "No, but that's me. Not Tom Felton."

"Well, we could watch the extras. I'm sure you'll enjoy them more," she stated with a secretive smile.

Draco figured the dream really couldn't get any worse, so he shrugged. "Whatever."

So she pulled up the interview with Jason Isaacs, otherwise known as Lucius Malfoy. Draco watched with a terrified expression as his would be father discussed how nasty a little boy Draco really was. "Not true!"

She chuckled. "You're not nasty?"

"Well…" He seemed to lose confidence in his retort. "Um…no."

"You just keep telling yourself that." She glanced towards the stairs. "How about finding Ron and Harry?"

"Sure?"

They found Harry and Ron seated at a computer in one of the main level rooms. Harry was sorting through a website of some sort. When Hermione looked closely she realized they were at some sort of Harry Potter fan fiction site. She unceremoniously pushed Harry out of the seat. "Hey!"

She narrowed her eyes at what Harry and Ron had been reading the summary for. "Pansy slash Cho? You guys are sicker than I thought. Really!"

Draco had no idea what she was talking about. "What the hell? Pansy Parkinson and Cho Chang?"

"Slash…" she stared at him innocently. "Don't you know what that is?"

He realized that both Ron and Harry were snickering at him. "Sure I do."

"Right." Hermione quit out of Harry and Ron's story while ignoring their disappointed groans. "It's okay boys. I'll find you something much, much better."

But she was smiling a little to broadly for them to truly believe her. Ron simply sighed. "Oh well, mate. We tried."

"Here, Draco. Take a look." She pointed to the screen and let Malfoy peer over her shoulder.

He read aloud, "'We all know that Malfoy's messed up and it probably has something to with his relationship with his father'. Humph, I am not… and my father does not have anything to do with me being messed up because I'm not. Anyways, 'but what exactly is that relationship? Can Harry save Draco from his abusive father?' What? Where does Potter come into to this… and there's no abusive relationship people! 'Extreme slash. Lucius/Draco and Harry/Draco.' What the bloody hell is slash?"

Harry was looking ill. "That is disgusting, Hermione."

Ron was looking terrified. "Oh my goodness. What kind of person would think up that?"

Draco was still lost. "What? I know it's disgusting that you're trying to save me Potter."

"No," Harry mumbled. "That is not the bad part."

He decided to glare at Hermione. "Explain."

"When we say Slash with you and Harry, Malfoy, we mean you and Harry getting hot and horny." She smiled pleasantly at him.

He stood frozen for a moment before letting his jaw drop and gagging. "Me and my father? Me and Potter?"

Harry looked at him. "Insane."

"Agreed," Draco nodded before looking horrified at agreeing with Harry Potter on anything at all.

And then Lily and James Potter got home from work. Really like any normal day in Harry's life, right? Lily smiled at them all. "Nice to see you Ron, Hermione, Draco."

Harry simply gaped at her. Ron finally summoned the courage to reply. "Good day, Mrs. Potter."

"Oh, you know to call me Lily, Ron." She smiled and then motioned towards the kitchen. "I'm just going to make some dinner… do all of you want to stay? How was school Harry? Did that calculus test go like you wanted?"

"Umm…" Harry looked beyond confused. Oh yeah, they were supposed to have just gotten home from school. "It was okay."

"Tell me if you're staying," she called and departed to the kitchen.

Draco stared at Harry. "Aren't your parents dead?"

"Normally," Harry replied miserably.

"And did it ever occur to you how odd it is that you have all that random Harry Potter stuff in your house?" Draco's voice seemed to take on an unnatural quality.

"Odd," Hermione agreed, her voice also dreamlike.

"Crazy," Ron added in a puzzled tone.

Harry nodded. "Unreal."

Draco Malfoy woke with a start in his Slytherin bed in the Slytherin dungeon at Hogwarts in the Magical World of Britain. The dream came rushing back to him. Now if that hadn't been torture, nothing was. Dreaming about Potter paraphernalia, Potter movies, Potter friends and Potter parents. That was just scary. Malfoys did not dream about Potters or Gryffindors.

In their respective Gryffindor dormitories Harry, Ron and Hermione awoke with only a vague sense that they had dreamed something very interesting. Too bad they didn't remember the few torture Malfoy moments. Those would have been good memories.


End file.
